How To: Annoy your Teacher

How To: Annoy your Teacher
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Teachers will beat you down constantly and abuse their power, and it is your job to fight back.

Teachers and You
Now as you may or may not know, teachers are evil. They are scum. They use propaganda to brainwash you into thinking they have low paying jobs and hate their job. None of it is true, never trust these creatures, as they will judge you, torment you, and betray you in a flash.

For Beginners
For newbies, or converts, your first step must be to figure out your teacher. You must decide what type of teacher she is, what she likes, and her reactions to everything. I say everything, because, it is a known fact that teachers will dislike anything you do. Anything at all. It enrages them when you do your work because it gives you a safe card for getting yelled at, and they hate it even more when you do your work well because they won't be able to criticize it. You're better off just not doing anything at all, because that gives you more time for more important activities and you finally might be able to relax, confident that some deranged, senile old woman isn't deciding on future tactics for destroying your ambitions and happiness.

Tip
Be warned, teachers will destroy you for something as simple as breathing.

I Want To Annoy My Teacher!
So, you think you're ready, eh? Here are several methods and a few tips. Note: This is not a full guide, these are just tips to kick off people just discovering that their life has been a lie and the work and steadfast determination they have put out for years has been based on lies and trashed by adults with no souls.

Number Uno: Speak gibberish or other languages when called on, or just try and talk to classmates in other languages as well. In fact, just try to talk a lot in general. Teachers are idiots, and when not, slightly intelligent paranoid psychopaths. Speaking in a way they can't understand would do one of a few things; either their head would explode, they'd scream their head off at you for being a distraction, or they'd pretend that they never called on you and instead call on one of the strategically placed sheep in the class, who will be explained later.

Tip
I suggest answering or communicating in Morse Code personally, and remember, results 1 and 2 are the most desirable, because either way, their heads explode; which means for you, they can't yell anymore. However, talented teachers may sometimes live for over 15 years with no head, but that talent is exclusive to women.

Number B: Whenever the need arises, always forget your alphabet.
Number Ci: Speak gibberish or other languages when called on... woah... deja voo, which reminds me, whenever called on, always forget what you were "going to say". And for others, repeat something someone else said who was obviously wrong, as much as possible. And make a big deal out of answering and getting picked on.
Number Fore: Spell everything wrong. It may harass your grades, and for the more devoted believers who[m] I know won't do much work, but when you do, give them wrist cramps in having to correct every mistake you "accidentally make". Teachers will jump at the opportunity to show their little intelligence and to correct your errors, so, go ahead, let 'em. This can also help in wasting their ink. [Insert evil professor laugh]
Number Emo: For one day every week, act nearly fatally offended by every word it speaks.
Number FIDEL CASTRO: Make historical and/or old pop culture references here and there, to such things as the Marx Brothers or Teddy Roosevelt's achievements. This will either confuse them or they might gain respect for you due to the fact that they will realize you are smarter than them. Abuse this respect. Use it against them. They won't learn.
Number Seven: Be intolerably immature during conferences or private discussions.
Number Uhn Tiss: Pretend you're gay in front of them for one day every week.
Number Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis: Pretend you have a terminal disease one day every week.
Number s.h.e.e.p.: There are moles in your class. They will rat you out, they will blindly obey the teacher, and they will devote unlimited amounts of time to entertaining its every whim. They are pathetic, miserable victims of the fascist system that runs your educational system. Follow tip.
Number "pencil": Steal something small and simple every day.
Number George Bush: Sidetrack the class into a discussion about politics or something of the sort during history or science, or any subject for that matter. Make sure the discussions or arguments last for at least 5 minutes.
Number Math: For one day each week, on every math assignment you do, write out in words your answers and problems. This has the hopeful side effect of making their eyeballs roll out of their heads. (For example; All real numbers greater than or equal to four all real numbers to the power of six over nine to the second power. This can either confuse them or just make reading your paper a pain in their saggy rears.)
Number Jack Bauer: Hire someone to kill them. I've heard that can be annoying sometimes.
Number Leet: For one day each week, write |1K3 7|-|1$.
Number ...: For one day each week, forget how to count.
Number Flu: Just don't go to school. Remember, your teacher hates everything you do, and it will annoy her when you simply make open space in your desk.

Tip
Sometimes excuses help. Dead relatives funerals, no matter how distant they were from you, can help a lot, and your teacher's flawed cognitive emotional judgement will guide them towards excusing you from assignments that day or giving you sympathy. If you don't have any dead relatives. Make Some.

Number Interrogative: Question its every movement.
Number Whose: Avoid the word 'whom' at all costs.
Number 20: Laugh when she's turned away.
Number 21: Come in every morning early, and when she goes out to gather the class or whatever, change the date. But make it unnoticeable, so you can't be singled out. This can be amusing when in the middle of class, she becomes suspicious as to whether it really is February 29th.